Breaking: Mr. Gaylord Kills Imaginary Friend, Mr. Happy, in Florida, USA
Geoff Gaylord walked into a Jacksonville Sheriff’s Office and confessed to his crime: he had repeatedly stabbed his friend “Mr. Happy” with a kitchen knife, cut up Mr. Happy with a hatchet, and buried him in his backyard. Let me remind you again that this occurred in Florida, so perhaps it should come as a surprise to no one.
Gaylord and Mr. Happy were friends for seven years but, according to Gaylord, he killed him for a few reasons:
“He left his empty vodka bottles all over the kitchen… never picked up his empty cocaine baggies…He messed up my apartment to the point where I just couldn’t get it clean…Before Hap started doing drugs and acting weird he was my BFF…We’d go dancing, play on the children’s park equipment, both huge fans of doom metal – listened to it for hours with the lights turned off.”
When Mr. Happy crashed Gaylord’s car, and Gaylord got arrested instead, Gaylord had had enough.
“That drunk driving incident I got unfairly blamed for and just how messy he had become put me over the edge and I murdered him.”
Gaylord was eventually taken into custody when he threatened police for not giving him the death penalty. Police found drug paraphernalia and a machine gun in Gaylord’s house, and was booked on multiple charges.
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